Matthew’s Story

Tiffany has kindly shared Matthew and his family’s story to help raise awareness about the Hospice’s care and services.

About Matthew

Matthew was such a positive person, he always liked to make everyone feel valued – from his two daughters and family to his local community. He was active in his church as a worship leader, he even played drums and sang.

Being diagnosed with cancer

In 2019, Matthew was diagnosed with oligodendrogliomas  – a Grade 3 brain tumour, after suffering from seizures. We were told from day one that it was an incurable tumour, however there was a rare complication that the cancer would spread to his spine and paralyse him.

Pain management was getting increasingly bad at home, and often resulted in going to Southampton hospital. As part of his palliative care, craniotomy, chemotherapy, we were introduced to St. Michael’s Hospice.

The Hospice

We were invited to come to the Hospice in 2019 and were greeted by Matthew’s doctor, Georgina, and she showed us around. It was worlds away from the hospital environment we were used to since his diagnosis, the Hospice was comfortable and calm. At the time, they were in the process of creative the Family Room, which reassured Matthew and I that our girls will be supported during his journey as well.

Matthew was always keen not to die at home as he didn’t want the girls to associate the house with his death. However, after meeting the Hospice team and seeing the homely environment, it was clear to us that St. Michael’s really isn’t just a place to die, but somewhere to help you to live before you die.

Managing Matthew’s Pain

St. Michael’s was there with us every step of the way. The Hospice worked in conjunction to manage Matthew’s pain, they took care of and sped up any paperwork process to ensure he had the correct medication.

We discovered that Matthew’s brain was creating more tumours, but Georgina and her colleague explained there was a long way to go, and that they would do everything possible to make Matthew’s time as fulfilling as possible.

The Hospice doctors assessed Matthew every two months, but if there were any changes we were seen in a day, and they would do anything needed, from just sitting and comforting him to adjusting his medication.

Not many people realise the vast number of drugs available, and how they affect everybody differently. St. Michael’s worked tirelessly to tweak Matthew’s medication to best manage his pain, but also reassured his fear that he would still be clear minded to enjoy his time with his family. To achieve this, the Hospice even brought in a rare drug that worked to do all of this for Matthew.

Supporting the whole family

St. Michael’s became a comforting place for our family – a home-from-home. Both Matthew and I were offered massage therapy and counselling at the Hospice’s Living Well centre. Often Matthew came to stay at the Hospice for short periods of respite care and the girls were able to visit as often as they like – they even allowed pets and had therapy dogs visit the ward. They were able to see that the Hospice was a warm and caring place, a place that helped their dad feel better and that just because he went into the Hospice, didn’t mean he was not going to come back out.

Over the years, Matthew became sicker, and Georgina started to visit our home, as it was hard for us to come to the Hospice. We noticed Matthew’s movements were becoming restricted and discovered that the tumour had spread to his spine.

I feel that it is usually those who are closest to the person receiving care, who are normally the last to realise or admit that they need additional help. It was something that I was never forced to admit because Georgina already anticipated the additional care we needed due to Matthew’s paralysis and arranged carers to come and support us at home four times a week. She even took care of all the forms – the Hospice sorted everything. The Hospice at Home team came to our house once a day to check Matthew’s pain and made sure he was comfortable and within three days the Therapy team had all the equipment needed to make our home comfortable for Matthew.

As Matthew’s pain became more unmanageable, the Hospice team asked if he wanted to come to the Hospice. It was a sad but easy decision as we knew the level of care would continue to be exceptional. St. Michael’s really gave life to his final days, Matthew could relax, knowing that he was safe and the care was immediate. He was able to enjoy the gardens at the Hospice, watched F1 on Sky and we even had meals together as a family. We still received regular visit from Georgina, complementary therapy sessions and visits from the Chaplain who prayed with us. The girls enjoyed the Family room – the team even brought Just Dance to play on the Wii after hearing their love of the game.

Support after death

After coming to the Hospice for years, I feel good about returning. It is a place all about people – everyone at St. Michael’s is a person’s person. Everyone makes you feel comfortable on your journey – they never let you go, they’re with you the whole way.

Even after Matthew’s death they continue to offer support with bereavement and counselling sessions.

If I could give one bit of advice about anyone considering hospice care, it would be: Come meet the team and look around the Hospice before making the decision. They lighten your load and you’re not on your own – you’re sharing the journey with friends that care about the person that means the most to you.