Chris’ Story

Wendy has kindly shared Chris and her family’s experience of the Hospice to help raise awareness about the care and services St. Michael’s provides to the local community.

About Chris

Chris was my entire world. He was the most positive person – the glass was always half full for Chris! He was my greatest confidant, my leveller, soul mate and was always there to rely on.

As well as a wonderful husband and father, Chris was a great friend. He was never the centre of attention, but people were drawn to his positive, ‘don’t worry about it’ personality. This was made really clear at his funeral, where we welcomed over 200 people to honour his memory.

Being diagnosed with cancer

Chris was diagnosed with Myeloma, a type of blood cancer that is indicated through pain, in June 2020. He underwent different lines of treatment, two stem cell transplants and chemotherapy. Both were successful and he was put on maintenance drugs. But at the end of 2022 he caught a cold. He was admitted to Southampton hospital, however they struggled to manage his pain. On Christmas Eve, Chris started struggling to eat and on Boxing Day he had a MRI scan, as a result we found out the Myeloma had attached itself to his thyroid.

That’s when we were introduced to St. Michael’s.

The Hospice

Chris and I had not had any personal interaction with the Hospice before, besides knowing that it existed near the Basingstoke Hospital.

We had the same misconception that I think a lot of people have about the Hospice, which is that it is just a place where people come to die. We also thought that it would be a very similar environment to a hospital – clinical and inflexible.

St. Michael’s has completely changed my view of Hospice care and I have now made it my personal mission to talk about death, grief and hospices. I saw what a difference it made to our lives – we could not have managed without their support.

Managing Chris’ Pain

The Hospice at Home team visited our home, along with the Therapy team, and they supplied us with everything we needed to make Chris and our whole family comfortable, from equipment and drug management for Chris, to memory boxes and worry toys for our son, who was 9-years-old at the time.

It can be really overwhelming to receive all the information about drug management, especially as someone with no medical background myself. However, with St. Michael’s I was taken through the processes by friendly professionals, who took care of the majority of it for me.

We were lucky to have family support from our nephew, who helped to take care of Chris at home as well. As the week progressed, Chris’ nephew and I noticed that Chris began to deteriorate. The Hospice at Home team arrived immediately and spent over three hours trying to manage his pain. Their unwavering determination and commitment to Chris was incredible. They helped us through the difficult decision to bring Chris into the Hospice, as he had expressed that he’d preferred to die at home.

It was the best decision we could have made. As soon as we came to the Hospice, we felt safe. All the staff were so comforting, the care was immediate, and they always spoke to him, never about him or just about his illness. They even have a designated conservatory area for children, and our son could visit whenever, and however long he liked.

They controlled Chris’ pain through medication and the amazing facilities, including the beds that adapt to his pressure points. It was the first time he hadn’t been in pain since the previous May. He was comfortable, calm and relaxed throughout his last days.

Support after death

Even after Chris’ death, St. Michael’s care did not stop. I received reflexology sessions with Sarah, counselling sessions and I’m also taking part in evening bereavement courses to help process grief and healing.

St. Michael’s Hospice is a very special place. I think in some ways, it became a second home to us. The Hospice takes you in and surrounds you with comfort and care that’s exceptional – it’s a level that cannot be matched anywhere else, and they take care of everyone, even past the point of losing someone. I come back here not with a heavy heart but knowing it is a caring, loving, home-from-home.

I hope Chris knew he was here, and that he knew it was the right thing to do.